My Loot, Your Tears

It was a typical Sunday for Suddenly Ninjas. An impromptu salvage operation formed in Dodixie and proceeded to yoink anything of value from the 300 strong carebears online at that time. After a solid 4 to 5 hours of rape and pillage, our team was calling it a night and heading back to M20 station.

As I exit warp in front of the station, I notice an old friend in a new ship just leaving the station. “drucore is outside m20″, I say on Eve voice for Fleet, “and he’s flying a Hulk.”

This gets an immediate reaction from everyone. drucore provided the epic tears that generated the inaugural post on My Loot, Your Tears. This guy is truly a flying pinata, and we’re going to have to wack him a few times to see what comes out. We’ve got a new op now: suicide ganking that Hulk.

Paul and the rest of our team dock up to fit gank ships, mostly Thorax cruisers, while I tail drucore in the spare gank Omen I have lying around. I chase him a few systems out, and once we determine he’s started mining, we cover the non-lowsec exits and wait for the rest of the fleet to arrive.

drucore is mining in a 0.7 system, so we’re going to have at least a few seconds of good shots, and with five cruisers we think we’ve got it. Our covert ops scout gets to with in 2500 meters of the Hulk, we all align for him, and get ready to ruin his day.

We warp, decloak, target… and due to some miscommunication on voice, we do not all fire at once. Concord arrives slightly ahead of schedule, and pops us soon after. With drucore’s Hulk deep into structure but not dead.

There’s the expected smacktalk from drucore in local about this, and we all fall back to ponder what exactly happened. We decide that our plan was good but our timing and communications were off. We lost a few million in cruisers (insured of course), and I leave a oh-so-true comment for our target as we depart:

Khalia Nestune> don’t worry, we’ll be back soon ;)

Not content to let this slide, Paul posts up on the Suddenly Ninjas message board a 50M ISK bounty for the destruction of said Hulk. This is a capital idea and I donate an additional 25M. This idiot is going down, one way or another.

After an hour or so break, I come back to divide the loot from our earlier op, and find that word of our 75M bounty has quickly spread. Oh, and people just want to pop drucore because he’s just that retarded, money or no. We form up another gank group: Michella, Lars Foolbane, myself (as an alt), and our CEO Velocity Prime.

We’re not fucking around any more: It’s time to stomp this douchebag into the ground hard. Michella and I are going to use Stealth Bombers, Lars and VP with Caracals. Missile damage UP YOUR ASS.

We track down drucore to the Ney system, and have a small moment of glee: This idiot almost got ganked in a 0.7 system, so he moves to a 0.5 system! We’re going to have plenty of time before Concord arrives. We find him in moments, and set up the two SBs at 10km ranges. He’s not even aligned to anything, just mining away into his hold. After that, it’s easy: Caracals warp to us, we decloak, target him, and blast the ever loving shit out of the Hulk.

http://tears.evekb.co.uk/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=830773

Note the awesome fail of four Invuln Fields. Stacking penalities? What are those?

Tears (and cheers from others in local) are soon to come:

Johanes Miller > CAREBEAR STARE
Michella > CAREBEAR STARE
Lars Foolsbane > CAREBEAR STARE
Funky Brown > lulz
Velocity Prime > CAREBEAR STARE
Funky Brown > macro miner?
Johanes Miller > asswipe we don’t like =)
Funky Brown > well, so long as he had it coming
Johanes Miller > yes, yes he did
Funky Brown > nice style btw
Johanes Miller > thanks
H’our Effsee > lol was wondering why red skulls popping up in local
drucore > fucking cowards
drucore > attacking a hulk
Lars Foolsbane > what was that you said earlier about us never getting you?
Johanes Miller > hmm?
Michella > suck it baby, suck it like an out of work porn star
Johanes Miller > two SBs and two caracals: total price 60M. One hulk: Total price 190M (rigs? really?)
Johanes Miller > win: epic
drucore > u think i care u just started a war that you cannot win
Velocity Prime > lol
Johanes Miller > Bring it, we like killing things :D

It gets better, as drucore calls his mommy… er, his friend, Elizabeth Hope, who proceeds to threaten us with wardecs, Goonswarm, veneral disease, dogs and cats living together, etc:

drucore > theres there leader
Michella > yep I did it
Michella > all me
Michella > and well worth it
Elizabeth hope > Well hello Michella ;)
Michella > o/
Elizabeth hope > Hows your ship holding?
Elizabeth hope > I have a wonderful offer for you
Elizabeth hope > very very wonderful
Michella > orly?
Elizabeth hope > Yes, I rather you decline it, but pay this guy back for his ship or I will take it from your salvage without a 2nd thought
Elizabeth hope > Also if you think I am bluffing
Elizabeth hope > I doubt your alliance would like to have a Major war on their hands would they
drucore > i had 2 cargo optimizers on the ship
Michella > are you fucking kidding? we love wars
Elizabeth hope > Sorry my bad
Elizabeth hope > Slaughtering
Elizabeth hope > 30 alliances in my reach, formed 3000 coalition that did 26 bil worth of damage to goonswarm
Elizabeth hope > I’m prepped are you?
Michella > yep, like I said we love wars
Elizabeth hope > K, hey dru
drucore > yes
Michella > if you really want to dec our alliance because of this nooblar, plz bring it
Elizabeth hope > Go ahead and kick her no worries bro we got ya
Elizabeth hope > No longer for drama
Elizabeth hope > time to show than talk
Elizabeth hope > Kick her

The awesome fail of this is evident as we check Elizabeth’s corp and find it five days old and the alliance is under one month old with 47 characters. Even SN has almost three times that many! They try to talk shit with me, too:

drucore > johanes talk shit now bitch
Johanes Miller > great, are you going to try to threaten me now too?
Johanes Miller > so I can lol
Elizabeth hope > Well hello Johanes :)
Johanes Miller > and you can be all “pay me back or I’ll war dec you?”
Elizabeth hope > Why the fuck would I threaten
Johanes Miller > and then we care?
Elizabeth hope > I don’t
Elizabeth hope > I promise
Elizabeth hope > Listen here
Elizabeth hope > If Goonswarm don’t fuck with me
Elizabeth hope > You better not either
Johanes Miller > lawl
Elizabeth hope > lawl all you want ;)
Johanes Miller > Privs stopped decing us because they couldn’t get any ISK
Johanes Miller > so bring it
Elizabeth hope > I will gift wrap it
drucore > lol i think u were just hiding
drucore > like pussyes
Johanes Miller > My bombers will be ready
Johanes Miller > anyways, we await your lameass dec
Johanes Miller > buh-bye

And then we get some more tears, and smack him around for good measure, before leaving system:

drucore > lol u want death it will come
Johanes Miller > also, a merc corp that’s only 4 days old? really? LULZ
Lars Foolsbane > Awesome. I’m looking forward to this.
drucore > umm u underestamate my friends
drucore > lolz
drucore > id talk to my other one if he wernt in war
Johanes Miller > like we underestimated SelnaRey who warped off when we shot your phoon? rofl
Johanes Miller > Bring it douchefag!
drucore > he was in my corp
Johanes Miller > We’ll fuck you and your momma
drucore > theres a difference
Johanes Miller > all the way back to Amarr sticks
drucore > lol talk shit now regret it later
Johanes Miller > Bring it, fag-frog
Johanes Miller > any day
Lola Zor > johanes > spare us, open a convo
Johanes Miller > tell it to that guy
drucore > i opened a convo with ur leader
drucore > u want me to brign u to my same friend really
Johanes Miller > I’m still lawling at your ‘friends’ corp
Johanes Miller > which is like a week old
Johanes Miller > or less
drucore > who said it would be his corp attacking
Johanes Miller > whatever
Johanes Miller > Privateers even stopped decing us =)
Velocity Prime > well, I’d love to stay, cupcake, but I’m leaving the system
Velocity Prime > toodles
drucore > pussies
Johanes Miller > sorry, the only thing getting fucked was your Hulk
Johanes Miller > bye now!

Later, Velocity Prime decides to one-up the ante and sends an Evemail to the CEO of Goonswarm regarding the fearsome Elizabeth Hope.

o7 Darius,

A few of the boys and myself had a little hulk ganking session tonight. Of course it was followed up by massive smack and threats of hiring mercs etc etc etc…

Elizabeth hope, member of Zahn Consortuim claims that she’s so bad ass that Goons won’t even mess with her. Is this true? Says she did 26 bil worth of damage to you guys.

Anyway, thought I’d let you know. ;)

Link 1: http://pastebin.com/m2613e3ed
Link 2: http://pastebin.com/mc5e8b18

Fly it like you stole it,

Velocity Prime
CEO Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
CEO Suddenly Ninjas

This was perhaps the best 30M I ever spent. Sweet, sweet tears and a bonus wardec threat. Here is hoping it comes through, as we have even more fun with a good war.

And the lessons for drucore? It’s hard to enumerate them all because of how much FAIL he brings to the table, but perhaps he’s learned to not AFK mine in 0.5 space!

This entry was posted on Monday, August 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm and is filed under Delicious Tears. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.