In September of last year, I resigned as Director of Salvage Operations at Suddenly Ninjas. I was exhausted from the administrative tasks associate with managing NinjaFleets. Frankly, I was tired of tutoring newbie ninjas who would suck away hours of instruction, then either quit the game or move on to other ventures. There was nothing wrong with NinjaFleets, and turnover is going to happen when your activities lend themselves well to new players. I just needed to get out on my own and take it to the next level in my own gameplay.
Six months ago, I started Honorless Internet Jerks as a one-man missionbear-griefing endeavor. It was my intention to start taking applications after a couple of months, but Real Life got in the way. Fortunately, this new way of playing allowed me to grief more carebears in an hour of “casual” play than I could in a weekend of play in Ninjas. Still, I’ve become a bit lonely, and it’s nice to have some backup once in a while.
The problem was that I didn’t want to train people, and I only wanted corpmates who met some very exact criteria to ensure that I would have good partners without drama or handholding.
So Khalia joined up. Khalia and I have always been sort of kindred spirits on Eve: He more often than not did most of the real work in the NinjaFleets that I took all the credit for. Like me, he had a neutral Orca pilot that he could live out of, and was skilled in the way of the gank. He could be forgiven for flying filthy Amarr ships with their lack of damage choice.
Shortly after Khalia officially joined, Captain Charismatic started flying with us and joined, too. Charismatic is a much newer player and still has some to learn, but he already lives out of an Orca and is quickly becoming proficient at making missionrunners sad.
I wasn’t sure how to go about recruiting, but now that a few perfectly suited players have joined, I have a better idea of what I’m looking for.
1) You must be able to live out of an Orca.
The out-of-corp Orca revolutionized ninja salvaging for me and for every subsequent ninja who invested in one. They make the salvager essentially immune from wardecs since a cloaked Orca can house scan ships, salvaging ships, gank ships, and remote-repair ships all at once. I can even effectively field JerkRaven for ganks with the help of an Orca (the method is classified).
If you can’t field an Orca on a separate account, you will be at the mercy of our wartargets every time you switch ships. As a matter of policy, we always have at least three outgoing wardecs, plus whatever incoming wardecs we’ve agitated others into. If you can’t undock, you have to play station games. Station games are what make hisec warfare stupid. We don’t play station games, much to the annoyance of our wartargets, who often know nothing else.
2) You must be financially and emotionally independent.
Financially: The Jerk lifestyle is feast or famine, fiscally. Ninja salvaging isn’t the income source it used to be, so if you’re going to get rich as a Jerk, it’ll be through (dishonored) ransoms, the occasional faction-fit missionbear gank windfall, or some other activity you do on your own. We have no corporate assets to help you with, and the constant threats from wartargets will make it all but impossible for you to make money via traditional methods with your main character. Done properly, the Jerk lifestyle doesn’t have that many living expenses. I don’t do anything other than grief for my income, but I don’t lose many ships, either. If you want to make money, you won’t get any help doing it from the corp. And $DEITY help you if I find out that you were missionrunning and got ganked by a carebear corp. We are supposed to be the wolves, not the rabbits.
Emotionally: NinjaFleets were great when the goal was just to swarm the fields and devour them like locusts, but salvaging and looting is really secondary now — we live for ganks. Ganks require that the carebear shoot, and that is encouraged by appearing helpless. This means that most of the time we do our ninja salvaging/looting solo, only forming up when RR is needed for a gank or when hunting a war target who has decided that it’s safe to carebear during a war. This is not the type of corp where you will log in and X up for fleet. If you can’t self-initiate your griefing activity while being available to help other Jerks in their ganks, then we don’t want you.
3) You must have a history of causing carebears to cry and die.
I love newbies, but not having to hold their hands has allowed me to have a much better time in this game than I ever did as a manager of baby ninjas. Applicants to Jerks need a documented history of ganks to show that they possess the skillpoints, equipment, and mindset required to do the work without myself or another Jerk having to cut up their food for them. Killboard links with high-value carebear kills are a requirement. Chatlogs with tears, threats of doom, and implications of questionable lineage are a plus. Solo PvE battleship kills are awesome, but group kills are OK as well as long as you can demonstrate that you were instrumental in the gank, and have the ability to make that solo kill when the opportunity presents itself.
Pilots who lack a gank history and/or an Orca alt can join Suddenly Ninjas in the mean time.
All hope is not lost! If you’re new at this sort of gameplay and want to give it a try with less stringent requirements, there’s no reason you can’t learn the ropes in Suddenly Ninjas. The only thing you’ll be missing out on there is our constant wardecs. Go extract some tears, and when you’re ready to step into Jerks drop me a line. There’s also no reason why you can’t grief solo until you meet the requirements, but the Ninjas are a good starting place are great guys to hang out with.
Pilots who meet the requirements should contact Paul Clavet in-game.
If you’re ready to join, then contact me via Eve Mail (no convo requests please) with the documentation of ability that I’ve outlined above. Acceptance will not be immediate… you will be invited to our private channel and Ventrilo server, and must fly with us for a while to show that you’re capable of fitting in.