I’m Michella and I’m a tearaholic. Not like a normal “pirate” who enjoys blowing up internet spaceships for internet moneyz, I like blowing up internet spaceships so when people go to work on Monday they don’t have anything to fondly look back on when grinding through their day. I say this because, for the most part, people in EvE don’t have fun, they work a second job. Mining, missioning, etc… All very tedious and lamesauce. For this there can only be one remedy: Excitement!
How do you excite a poor sad little carebear, you ask? Easy. You ruin his day. Steal his hard earned (yea, right) salvage (not earned), loot (not hard) or ore (afk mining while watching TV is like welfare in EvE). Blow up his ship (decent rage most of the time). Or question his manhood (decent rage all the time). People might ask, “Mich, how the hell is this a good thing for them?”. The answer: A two parter. One, it makes them seek vengeance, which leads to natural evolution. IE: they have a reason to try harder next time. Two, it makes all the other care bears in local happy it wasn’t them, and also happy someone is crying. So really, everyone is happy.
To those ends, I present why you guys shouldn’t mine.
We here at SN love tears. We named an alliance after them, they fuel our ships, and it’s pretty much why we do what we do. You miners make the game much more interesting. You buy a 100M ISK internet spaceship, equip it with no tank whatsoever, and engage in parking your new beautiful and expensive ship in the exact same spot in space for hours at a time.
Recently we conducted our Field Trip (in which we leave fair Dixie to go and torment other people who haven’t heard of us yet). Paul recieved the following tears during our away game:
[ 2009.08.08 22:18:32 ] DarkMan MSKIX > Hi
[ 2009.08.08 22:18:33 ] Paul Clavet > PAUL CLAVET HERE FOR SUDDENLY NINJAS
[ 2009.08.08 22:18:46 ] Paul Clavet > DO YOU RUN WORLDS COLIDE?
[ 2009.08.08 22:18:53 ] Paul Clavet > DO YOU LIKE TURNING IN MISSIONS?
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:22 ] Paul Clavet > THEN YOU NEED A HERON SHIP’S CREW
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:31 ] DarkMan MSKIX > How match ?
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:39 ] Paul Clavet > FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF 20M ISK, YOU TOO CAN HAVE 10 CREW MEMBERS!
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:43 ] Paul Clavet > BUT WAIT!
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:45 ] Paul Clavet > THERE’S MORE!
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:57 ] DarkMan MSKIX > How Match ?
[ 2009.08.08 22:19:57 ] Paul Clavet > ORDER NOW AND RECEIVE DOUBLE THE CREW MEMBERS!
[ 2009.08.08 22:20:19 ] Paul Clavet > THAT’S RIGHT!
[ 2009.08.08 22:20:29 ] DarkMan MSKIX > How Match &
[ 2009.08.08 22:20:31 ] DarkMan MSKIX > ?
[ 2009.08.08 22:20:32 ] Paul Clavet > 20 SHIP’S CREW FOR ONLY 20 MILLION ISK!
[ 2009.08.08 22:20:37 ] Paul Clavet > OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!
[ 2009.08.08 22:21:24 ] Paul Clavet > BUT WAIT!
[ 2009.08.08 22:21:34 ] Paul Clavet > IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES, YOU GET FREE SHIPPING!
[ 2009.08.08 22:21:50 ] DarkMan MSKIX > 5kk
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:05 ] Paul Clavet > I’M AFRAID YOU DIDN’T HEAR ME
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:13 ] Paul Clavet > I’M PAUL CLAVET!
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:23 ] Paul Clavet > AND I’M OFFERING 20 CREW MEMBERS FOR ONLY 20 MILLION ISK!
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:32 ] DarkMan MSKIX > 5kk or GTFO
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:36 ] Paul Clavet > ORDER NOW AND
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:39 ] Paul Clavet > *hurk*
[ 2009.08.08 22:22:42 ] Paul Clavet > *falls over*
[ 2009.08.08 22:23:25 ] DarkMan MSKIX > 5rr or GTFO
[ 2009.08.08 22:23:34 ] DarkMan MSKIX > 5kk or GTFO
[ 2009.08.08 22:23:44 ] Paul Clavet > thanks for calling!
[ 2009.08.08 22:23:55 ] Paul Clavet > I’ll just GTFO now and sell them on contract
[ 2009.08.08 22:24:29 ] DarkMan MSKIX > ))))
[ 2009.08.08 22:24:38 ] DarkMan MSKIX > Good luck
[ 2009.08.08 22:24:59 ] DarkMan MSKIX > new offer 8kk
[ 2009.08.08 22:25:14 ] Paul Clavet > I’m sorry, this is Paul Clavet’s wife.
[ 2009.08.08 22:25:21 ] Paul Clavet > He seems to have overdosed
[ 2009.08.08 22:25:26 ] Paul Clavet > I’m afraid the offer is closed
[ 2009.08.08 22:25:56 ] DarkMan MSKIX > ok a’m failing mission
[ 2009.08.08 22:26:13 ] DarkMan MSKIX > last offer 9kk
[ 2009.08.08 22:26:22 ] Paul Clavet > Ship’s Crew x 20 (Item Exchange)
[ 2009.08.08 22:27:08 ] DarkMan MSKIX > do you accept or not ?
[ 2009.08.08 22:27:26 ] Paul Clavet > There’s your contract.
[ 2009.08.08 22:27:32 ] Paul Clavet > Take it or leave it. Thanks.
Paul Clavet just might have been injected with the reincarnation of Billy Mays, minus the blue shirt and the heart condition.
These tears came from some silly miners who decided to run an op inside a mission. Everytime we would check back on them we would flip their can and take their loots…..You know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Just a thought.
[ 2009.08.09 01:18:30 ] alpjumper1 > hi…
[ 2009.08.09 01:18:48 ] alpjumper1 > by the way we will not shoot at you, and we wont let you get any of the ore we are mining.
[ 2009.08.09 01:18:51 ] Paul Clavet > 2M ISK to leave you alone for the night
[ 2009.08.09 01:19:01 ] alpjumper1 > so that being said you can prob make more money elseware.
[ 2009.08.09 01:19:09 ] alpjumper1 > no deal
[ 2009.08.09 01:19:19 ] Paul Clavet > Now that you’ve whined, we’re going to visit you several more times
[ 2009.08.09 01:23:16 ] alpjumper1 > i was just staiting the facts. not whining.
[ 2009.08.09 01:24:06 ] alpjumper1 > you have nto come back yet… im starting to miss you already
[ 2009.08.09 01:35:47 ] alpjumper1 > sup?
[ 2009.08.09 01:35:51 ] Paul Clavet > Not worth it, huh?
[ 2009.08.09 01:38:37 ] alpjumper1 > no im just going to sleep
[ 2009.08.09 01:40:15 ] Paul Clavet > fine then, we’ll see you tomorrow
[ 2009.08.09 01:41:08 ] alpjumper1 > great!
[ 2009.08.09 01:41:13 ] alpjumper1 > good night
In doing so we realized that the system we were in (Umokka) was plagued by miners, mostly Hulks. Since were currently involved in a hulk killing rampage contest, we figured we would help you guys learn a few valuable lessons in the form of ship destruction.
To accomplish this requires three things. 1) A rather precarious ship fitting. 2) A live and let die attitude. 3) An absolutely epic team slogan.
With that I present GankTeam CareBear!
Our target in Umokka:
Was a seven month old miner, and a Director in Dark Nubula (oops I mean Nebula) Academy [DNAC].
We took our time formulating a plan of attack and began on implementing it. A scout was sent out to the asteroid belt, and placed near the target. Catalysts were put in place aligned to the belt and on the go command we simultaneously warped in on the target. Drones were launched, targets acquired, points engaged and guns blazed. Less than 8 seconds later the Hulk exploded in a blaze of wasted ISK, miner shock and burning ore. “CARE BEAR STARE” our new team motto was pasted out into local and CONCORD, our illustrious internet spaceship polizei showed up to learn us a lesson. As the pilot got her wits about her and began to warp off and CONCORD was decimating our numbers we were all surprised as Ninja/Pirate Cussbeard the Bastardly targeted, pointed and blazed the players pod, sending the pilot careening off to its clone and tolling a 130M ISK loss (Hooray Cussbeard!).
All in all our total ISK loss was less than 3M, whereas the total estimated Hulk loss with implants was around 350M. Greater than 100 to 1 (Target 1 ).
Paul, being rather deceptive in nature had the following conversation with the sad, and quite impressively silly carebear:
[ 2009.08.09 03:06:53 ] Paul Clavet > Did someone from our corp just shoot you?
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:09 ] Aileya Lanner > auh yeah
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:12 ] Aileya Lanner > lost a hulk
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:15 ] Paul Clavet > what were you in?
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:26 ] Paul Clavet > they didn’t kill your pod, did they?
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:35 ] Aileya Lanner > yes they did
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:37 ] Paul Clavet > You need to eve mail the ceo
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:40 ] Paul Clavet > velocity prime
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:51 ] Paul Clavet > he can reimburse your implants and ships
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:56 ] Aileya Lanner > yeah my corp is not happy about it
[ 2009.08.09 03:07:58 ] Paul Clavet > but he’ll need the total
[ 2009.08.09 03:08:18 ] Paul Clavet > did you lose implants?
[ 2009.08.09 03:08:36 ] Aileya Lanner > yes
[ 2009.08.09 03:08:44 ] Paul Clavet > What implants?
[ 2009.08.09 03:08:51 ] Paul Clavet > And did you have your clone up to date?
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:00 ] Paul Clavet > I’m copying all this for the ceo, btw
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:01 ] Aileya Lanner > yes
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:16 ] Aileya Lanner > so can you explain to me what is going on?
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:21 ] Paul Clavet > You’ll need to eve mail velocity prime with a detailed listing of what you lost
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:26 ] Paul Clavet > yeah, they decided to suicide gank you
[ 2009.08.09 03:09:32 ] Paul Clavet > I’m not sure they’re allowed to do that
[ 2009.08.09 03:10:21 ] Paul Clavet > What implants did you lose? +3? +4?
[ 2009.08.09 03:10:39 ] Aileya Lanner > +4s
[ 2009.08.09 03:11:07 ] Paul Clavet > ok
[ 2009.08.09 03:11:20 ] Paul Clavet > I’ll send this to velocity prime. Will you eve mail him with your account of what happened?
[ 2009.08.09 03:11:44 ] Aileya Lanner > mkay
[ 2009.08.09 03:12:08 ] Aileya Lanner > so you guys have a gang or what?
[ 2009.08.09 03:12:18 ] Paul Clavet > well, we were salvaging earlier
[ 2009.08.09 03:12:22 ] Paul Clavet > but I think they got bored
[ 2009.08.09 03:13:39 ] Aileya Lanner > I guess so
[ 2009.08.09 03:13:46 ] Aileya Lanner > so is this what your corp does?
[ 2009.08.09 03:13:54 ] Paul Clavet > no, we do salvaging
[ 2009.08.09 03:13:59 ] Paul Clavet > we hire ourselves out
[ 2009.08.09 03:15:23 ] Aileya Lanner > so you werent part of this?
[ 2009.08.09 03:15:28 ] Paul Clavet > I was in the fleet
[ 2009.08.09 03:15:31 ] Paul Clavet > but I was eating dinner
[ 2009.08.09 03:21:58 ] Aileya Lanner > looks like you guys take hulks all the time
[ 2009.08.09 03:22:11 ] Paul Clavet > it’s sort of an ongoing issue
[ 2009.08.09 03:22:19 ] Paul Clavet > the private forums had the CEO telling us to stop
[ 2009.08.09 03:22:32 ] Paul Clavet > which is why I think he will reimburse you
[ 2009.08.09 03:23:43 ] Aileya Lanner > Looks like it all started a week ago
[ 2009.08.09 03:23:50 ] Paul Clavet > yep
[ 2009.08.09 03:23:55 ] Paul Clavet > and the CEO has been away a bit
[ 2009.08.09 03:24:02 ] Aileya Lanner > why dont you kick them out?
[ 2009.08.09 03:24:10 ] Aileya Lanner > your a director just like I am
[ 2009.08.09 03:24:10 ] Paul Clavet > Well, there was no hard fast rule
[ 2009.08.09 03:24:16 ] Paul Clavet > I’m not allowed to kick
[ 2009.08.09 03:24:22 ] Paul Clavet > even though I have the roles
After this kill we were all very pleased with ourselves and decided to go find another target. I flew to some of my old haunts and decided on Venilen.
Our target in Venilen:
Was a ten month old miner, generic foolish carebear and member of Free Masons United Inc [FMUI].
I scouted the target and noted he was mining to a can so I cloaked up my little scout frig and meandered my way up to the can to BM it as a trajectory point for the Teams insertion. As I was about 10km out his hauler bot warped in and in the process decloaked me (OHNOES!). I reapplied my cloak and hung out while Zavulon Sukkot went out and purchased / fitted our required gank ships (Thorax this time). Since we only had four people in on this gank we required a bit more expenditure, so going into it we knew the kill ratio wouldn’t be as good as the previous kill.
Our silly little miner, well aware that a Covert Ops frig had just decloaked right next to his can refused to stop jetcan mining and my plan of attack became evident. I had Cussbeard fly out in his Covert Ops frig to resume my scouting duties as I got into TenderHeart Bear (my belvoed Thorax). I instructed Cussbeard to let us know when the jetcan was getting close to full and when he did, we struck.
The warp out command was given and we stormed off from our safe spot to the miner’s can. As we arrived we locked him up launched our myriad of drones and opened fire on him. The Hulk popped under the pressure of our blaster might and the pilot ran like his ass was on fire.
Not two minuted after the carebear’s precious ship popped he ragequit for the night. Nothing makes me happier here, it means he’s going to goto bed hating me and thinking up new ways to screw me or my ilk over.
All in all our total ISK loss was less than 10M, whereas the total estimated Hulk loss was around 110M including the ore in the jetcan, which was near full. Greater than 10 to 1 (Target 2).
Now, what is the lesson here and how is it helpful to the players that took such a epic loss? Maybe next time when a Covert Ops frig makes an epic mistake like I did they’ll leave? Maybe next time a catalyst sits right next to them for over thirty minutes while we setup they’ll leave? Maybe next time they will try to equip a shield booster and some better tank? Or who knows….and this is a big step here…maybe next time they will take the time to train the skills to make sure a small, poorly armed gank squad can’t own them in the face and get a 100 to 1 ISK victory.
Carebears say ninjas don’t provide any valuable service to the EvE community at large, I greatly disagree. We make the community at large smarter, more cunning, and a bit cooler to the fact that in this game loss happens frequently. Some of us even choose to take a loss to make someone take a greater loss, or just to make a point.
What do you guys think?