Archive for June, 2009

Tears Feature: D3vastator

Posted in Delicious Tears, Ninja Salvaging on June 28, 2009 by paul

I was out today doing my normal Sunday afternoon solo ninja salvaging. I scanned down a missionbear finishing up a large single-room Angel mission. I warped in with my Firetail and got to work. For context, here’s what our victim was saying in local just prior to my invasion:

D3vastator > my acct is newly reactivated, haven’t played for yeaars 😛
D3vastator > what’s a good tool for planning ship fittings? any programs or websites y’all use?

He warps in an alt in a salvage Catalyst, but I just orbit the destroyer and salvage the wrecks before he can. He doesn’t get a single one.

D3vastator > Paul Clavet, you little piece of shit – leave the salvage alone
Paul Clavet > what?
Feyona > Ahh, good old Dodixie.
Paul Clavet > this is my salvage mission
Paul Clavet > my agent gave me this BM
Estrixx > throwdown
Estrixx > FIGHT
Zarere > damn, why dont i ever get one of those who begin to whine in local when you grief them…
Paul Clavet > Man, these trit bars are crazy good
Paul Clavet > You’re missing out on this, man
D3vastator > Paul, !@#$ off assbag
Paul Clavet > assbag?
Paul Clavet > that’s a new one
Zarere > Gogo Paul <3 Feyona > <3 SN D3vastator > feel free to take some loot too Paul
Zarere > Paul, you want some help finding new sites?, i can have my main scanning for players in a rigged imicus
Paul Clavet > I’m good
Paul Clavet > this angel field is huge
D3vastator > sure did – now the asshole’s thieving the salvage….god, sometimes I hate this game
damgood85 > just wait till you run into the crew i found a few min ago
damgood85 > big ass angle field and the poped there own wrecks
Paul Clavet > D3vastator, sounds like the game hates you too
Zarere > D3vastator, welcome to eve
D3vastator > it’s just ridiculous that I’m not allowed to drag your corpse behind my Raven even though you’re stealing
Zarere > the game where most people are asshats
Pseudo Ucksth > if it was thieving then concord would blast him 😉
Pseudo Ucksth > i’m not an asshat :< damgood85 > salvage is first come first severd just like in real life
Paul Clavet > heh heh
Paul Clavet > This is some great salvage
Zarere > haha ^
D3vastator > it’s sophisticated to scavenge the kills of others? get a life
Paul Clavet > 18 trit bars so far
Zarere > D3vastator, is that going to be all youre doing in eve?
Zarere > doing missions?
Feyona > Go back to Providence if you hate Dodixie so much, then.
D3vastator > no Zarere, just doin’ this to gain some ISK….which is less than it should be because CCP protects little thieving !@#$ers
Zarere > oh yeah
Zarere > rite
Zarere > concord
Paul Clavet > hahaha
Zarere > …
Pseudo Ucksth > yeah but what about when there was before salvage :>
Marcus Gideon > Oh Em Ge… I’m missioning in the single most busy system in the region… why am I being Ninja’d??
Feyona > there is no concord, just shoot him
Zarere > d3vastator, hes taken your salvage, there is currently a bug in the overview interface which doesnt show that people who have agressed you with red
Paul Clavet > Thanks for tractoring all these wrecks to me, d3v

Then I convo him:

Paul Clavet > o/
D3vastator > f’n rude maan
Paul Clavet > No hard feelings?
Paul Clavet > 😀
D3vastator > plenty of hard feelings – that’s a crock of crap
Paul Clavet > lol
Paul Clavet > poor thing
Paul Clavet > maybe you could shoot me?
D3vastator > just came back after several years of not playing & CCP still has idiotic crap on the game
Paul Clavet > I guess the game just isn’t for you
Paul Clavet > can I have your stuff?
D3vastator > you just took my stuff
Paul Clavet > haha
Paul Clavet > good point!
Paul Clavet > thanks!

Thanks to D3vastator for a great wreck field and some excellent public and private tears.

Edited to add: Message from the victim.

2009.06.28 19:58
Awesome! I didn’t realize you were such a tool that you had an uber-twitter (I mean blog) set up too! Man, I’ll bet you have at least 3 people (or do you have a step-parent too?) who read it!

Happy thieving!

2009.06.28 19:56
Just wanted to let you know that you were featured on my blog today:

Dirty deeds done in wormholes

Posted in Combat, Video, Wormholes on June 25, 2009 by paul

NinjaFleet was on cloud nine following the epic salvage op that ended in a battleship kill and many tears. I was online the next night, putzing around, clearing out loot from the previous op, and just relaxing, when fellow ninja OzoneFriendly pipes up in alliance chat: Anyone want to take out a w-space POS?

Now, I had precious little experience with POS warfare, with my only actual sighting of a POS being the time I came in for the last 20 minutes of NinjaFleet wtfpwning an Eve-Uni POS that had been set up without guns. I was curious about the technical specifications of a POS with defenses put up. I was about to get a crash course.

OzoneFriendly gave me a warp-in to the wormhole, and then led me to the POS in question. While Ozone went to get something a bit more durable to test the range of the guns, I lurked in my Stealth Bomber and got a good look at the thing. The owner was a three-man corp full of young characters, so my assumption was that this was an alt corp running a POS for a more experienced player. Drat, no intel to be had there about the enemy’s ability to bring the pew should we decide to pop this thing.

While I was waiting for Ozone to return, two of the three POS owners logged in, made a fuel run in a bader, and logged off.


The guns were small Amarr lasers anchored in all six directions. Ozone did some testing and reported that the guns were barely hitting him at 68km, and not at all at 70. There were very few ninjas online at that point, and both he and I had a full day on Saturday, so it was decided that we would both log out in the system in CovOps ships with probe launchers, and the next day whoever happened to be on and could scrape together a sufficient fleet would attempt to do so without the other. I sent an eve-mail to the alliance with instructions to put together a ship that could hit at 70km, and wait for Ozone or myself to come online.

The next afternoon, I logged on to find that Ozone had not been available, but that several ninjas had begun preparations for attacking the POS. I made the announcement that hostilities would begin at 0130 Eve Time Sunday.

Jons Squire, Nin’ja Tamake, and I were the only ones to begin on time, and it was rocky. Nin’ja and I were both in Stealth Bombers, and within minutes of each other got careless and wandered into range of the fast-tracking guns, getting our ships insta-popped. Jons’ Eagle fared better, and he continued the fight while we went to grab replacement ships.

It took nearly two hours for the three of us to kill the first POS gun, but that includes initial set-up and replacing the loss of the two bombers. Nin’ja came back in another bomber. I returned with a bomber fitted with two rigs to increase the range of my torpedoes out to 80+ km, but neglected to check my targetting range, and was limited to shooting at 77km. This was fine at the time, and with more ninjas and friends of ninjas joining us, the guns started to go down faster.

As NinjaFleet was chewing through the guns, one of the owners of the POS logged on, undoubtedly to much surprise and annoyance at finding his mighty POS guns outranged by mostly Stealth Bomber frigates. He did something–I assume changed the frequency crystals for the lasers–and suddenly NinjaFleet found that what used to be a safe distance was now… not. Some ninjas got away with major damage. I alone lost a ship: my second rigged Stealth Bomber of the night. Ouch.

Looking at the information for the small laser batteries, I learned that they had a maximum engagement range of 90km. Period. I left in my pod, and once in hisec purchased and fitted a Caracal which I named “Screw You, POS Guns”. Even without explicit orders, most of NinjaFleet somehow ended up with range-fit Caracals instead of Stealth Bombers. Funny how rational self-interest works. 🙂

In time, we got the guns down. Everyone went back and switched to whatever they could find that would hit hardest at 15km, and for most of us, that meant climbing back into Bombers.


It took a while to knock down the shields on the POS, but it was uneventful. At 25%, the POS went into reinforced mode, and we got our questions answered about how much fuel the owners had placed in it: This POS would be invulnerable for about 40 hours. We marked it on our calendars and disbanded the fleet, with myself staying put in my cloaked bomber so that I could keep an eye on things and get us a new wormhole when the current one expired.

Sunday afternoon, while the POS was reinforced, I logged in to see what there was to see, and discovered that the owners had mounted five new guns: four medium turrets, and an additional small turret, which they left anchored but offline, presumably due to fitting limitations on the POS tower.

I looked at the specs on the medium turrets. Not good. They had an engagement range out to 300km, and could hit perfectly almost all the way out. I ran some numbers in Eve Fitting Tool, thinking that perhaps I could fit a Raven with cruise missiles to outrange the guns. It turns out I could, but my targeting range maxed out at 249km. Besides, my DPS would be no better than the Caracal and not everyone in NinjaFleet could afford such a specialized ship, much less have the skills to fly it. Then I remembered that this particular system limited ship sizes to cruiser hulls and below, anyway. I logged off in despair, and was somewhat gloomy for the rest of the evening and all day on Monday.

I got home from work just a few hours before the base was to come out of reinforced. I logged in and was staring at the troublesome POS when a thought occurred to me: Would it be possible for a frigate to speed-tank the medium turrets? I got out of the w-space system in my Bomber, switched it for a throwaway Tristan frigate with speed mods and one light missile launcher, and came back.

Just like the time I attacked the Typhoon in a Caracal, I was pretty certain going in that I was about to fail. I warped to the base, orbited one of the medium guns at 5km, engaged my afterburner to increase my orbit speed to about 700m/s, targeted the gun, and began firing.

The guns targeted me. I went ahead and pulled up my bookmarks folder to warp my pod back to the wormhole after my frigate was destroyed.

The first gun missed. So did the other three. Ten minutes later, they were still missing, while I poured ineffective light missiles into their shields.

Newly hopeful, I retrieved my Bomber and found that the same was true even at a slightly lower speed: the tracking on the medium guns is so poor that even if you don’t have perfect transversal velocity, they will not be able to hit you in a fast-moving frigate.

As more ninjas and friends got home from work, they joined in the fun in their own bombers. Geno110, a friend of TEARS, was an exception, flying his Zealot cruiser and typing “OW!” once in a while in fleet chat as the guns punished his larger ship.

About halfway through the second gun, a ninja brought it to my attention that, with a medium gun incapacitated and no longer sucking power from the POS tower, grid was available for the owner to re-enable the small gun that he had put up. This would have been a disaster: We can outrange the small guns, and outrun the large guns, but not both. That one solitary small turret had the potential to make all our hard work vanish into thin air. I ordered the fleet to cease fire on the medium turret and disable that anchored small gun ASAP.



Taking down the rest of the guns was uneventful, and soon the tower was out of reinforced and we were chipping away at its shields once again. At this point we had nearly a dozen ninjas, mostly in high-DPS stealth bombers, unloading torpedoes into the tower.


At this point, I felt really good. We were there in force, and there was no sign of the enemy. I mused in fleet chat that any enemy action which could derail the takedown would have to be so spectacular that I would not have regretted the opportunity just to see such an event. Unfortunately, it never happened, and within about 90 minutes the POS was down for the count.


We moved in quickly to unanchor the various POS structures that remained. They’re valued at about 200 million ISK, which is a lot of money but not really spectacular considering the 80 or so ninja-hours put into the effort, not to mention the loss of three stealth bombers. My usual policy is to divide the spoils evenly among all participants, but there’s talk of a ninja base in w-space, so the equipment may go to that effort unless I get strong objections. Of course, the non-TEARS members of the NinjaFleet in question will get their fair share in cash.

Special thanks to Geno110, who was not only involved for nearly all of both nights, but also recorded the POS takedown with some amusing music from a YouTube link that was passed around during the siege:

Lessons learned:

– POS Warfare can be really, really boring if you’re safe the whole time. If you’re not safe the whole time, it’s really, really stressful. I’m not sure which is worse, but either way, POS warfare sucks unless you enjoy talking to the people you’re flying with. Luckily, NinjaFleets are usually packed with great folks.

– The Stealth Bomber changes the game. None of the other members of NinjaFleet, even those with experience in POS warfare, had any idea that you could speed-tank medium and large POS guns. I guess you always could, but there wasn’t much point in it, with frigate damage being so low. With the newly-redesigned Stealth Bomber, however, you can be small, move fast, and bring battleship-sized pain, all at once. This has serious implications for anyone defending a POS: If you fit it with all small guns, we will outrange it. If you fit it with all medium/large guns, we will outrun it. You MUST either mix small and larger guns, or add a webber to your defenses, to slow down orbiting Bombers enough for your guns to track and kill them.

Even against a properly defended POS, this discovery might change the SOP for taking down the defenses. You only have to do traditional large-ship bombardment long enough to kill any of the relatively weak small turrets and webbers, after which you can swarm the medium/large guns with Bombers. Fleet members who are young and can’t fly much can always bring a rocket Kestrel to chomp on the turrets with.

– Items in hangars and labs don’t drop when you unanchor them. This made me a seriously sad panda, since the entire motivation on my part for the operation was to crack open that mobile lab array and hopefully scoop out a BPO.

– If you want to run a POS in w-space, pick a system that doesn’t allow battleships. Though creative thinking got us around that limitation, eliminating battleships from the equation makes it difficult to overpower a POS with brute force alone.

– Most folks in Eve are quite friendly, when you get right to it. I had a good conversation with the owner of the POS after NinjaFleet popped it, and we both talked about what we had learned from our perspective of the fight. We agreed at the end that it was worth the losses and time on both sides to learn about POS warfare, which is unfortunately not terribly well-documented outside of private alliance forums. Hopefully blog posts like this one can help those who are considering running or attacking a POS.

In which Drucore learns a valuable lesson

Posted in Delicious Tears, Duffers, Ninja Salvaging on June 21, 2009 by paul

As the new Director of Salvage Operations for Suddenly Ninjas, I figured that it was important to get a team salvage operation going ASAP to fly the colors. Sometime I’ll go over the mechanics of such operations, but the TL;DR version is that, instead of swapping roles frequently as a solo ninja would, a salvage team can have a dedicated scanner, scout, and hauler, leaving the rest of the team free to salvage like a pack of wolves, suddenly descending in number upon unsuspecting mission runners, clearing their fields of salvage and loot, and quickly moving on to the next victim. Properly done, it is a frighteningly efficient operation, as beautiful as any well-coordinated combat fleet. This night was no different, with Kahlia Nestune hitting it out of the park on his first op as dedicated scanner, Jons Squire scouting, and myself leading half a dozen other ninjas from field to field.

Recently, some ninjas have expressed frustration with the lack of tears in our home system of Dodixie. Missionbears seem to have grown accustomed to ninja salvager invasion, and have learned to salvage as they go or to destroy their own wrecks, denying both themselves and the ninja of the salvage and loot. Many Suddenly Ninjas members have even admitted in public that they don’t ninja salvage that much at all anymore, which in a corporation that was founded to become the premier ninja salvaging force in Eve is very sad.

These ninjas just didn’t realize that an organized ninja force can still extract sweet, sweet carebear tears, even in a jaded system like Dodixe.

The operation went incredibly well, with Khalia supplying plentiful wreck fields, and my salvage fleet operating like a well-oiled machine. We got quite a bit of what some of us hadn’t seen in months: carebear tears in local chat!

Those tears were sweet, but what I want to talk about is a young man named Drucore and the other members of the latest in his long line of short-lived corps, Starfinger, Inc.

The time is about 0100 local, and I’m supposed to work the next day. Khalia has just announced that he’s getting tired and that this wreck field will be his last before he turns in for the night, so I make the call that this will be the last mission for the entire fleet. It’s been a great op so far, with over 8,000 cubic meters of loot and salvage (we would later find that we had hauled more than 80 million ISK). We were all tired but the we were feeling good after a night of tear extraction, and morale was high.

Jons Squire had already turned in for the night, so I took my Republic Fleet Firetail (Name: O GOD MY SALVAGE) into the scanner hit from Khalia. I found two empty fields, followed by an active third room, with two mission runners (Drucore and Sel’Na Rey) slowly burning through mostly frigate and cruiser Angel NPCs. There wasn’t much for us to do, but everyone was itching for one last run, so I ordered the fleet to join me and grab what we could as the missionrunners destroyed their computer-controlled opponents.

Drucore starts targeting wrecks and destroying them, but is too slow and fails even at that most of the time, losing both salvage and loot to hungry and fast Ninjafleet frigates. He manages to get a shot off at one of the closer wrecks before a member of the fleet, Nin’ja Tamake, can get to it, prompting the following discussion in local. I’ve highlighted with bold text Drucore’s delicious carebear rage-tears.

Nin’ja Tamake > Damn it Drucore – that’s 25k ISK I won’t have to feed my starving children…
FalconStorm > bunch of clowns
Paul Clavet > And ninja children eat a ton
drucore > lol its my mission
drucore > get out of it
drucore > u sob

Nin’ja Tamake > No, you’re sobbing…
Khalia Nestune > 😀
Nin’ja Tamake > CAREBEAR TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
drucore > u little cock muches im not stupid
Velocity Prime > lol
Korrente > a what?
Sheptne Glace > Gallente Navy 425mm Railgun x 4
Velocity Prime > it always comes down to cocks with you folks
Paul Clavet > Is that like crunch and munch but with cocks?
Lazy Eyeh > Is “im” a word?
drucore > yeah cause ur lil bitches who still
Paul Clavet > we still what?
drucore > still come into peoples missions
Lazy Eyeh > I’m still here
Paul Clavet > still rock?
Sheptne Glace > Gallente Navy 425mm Railgun x 4
drucore > grow some balls and do ur own level 4s
Paul Clavet > hahaha
Zed Jackelope > i performed a service and you swear at me?
Odeskypher > i love turning up to missions when they just finish, then the mission guys warp back in while your half finished to salvage in their slow BS
drucore > i dnt want a service
Zed Jackelope > I’m billing you 10mill for my retrieval service
combat beard > ibis navy issue
Velocity Prime > Welcome to Dodixe. You are paying the ninja tax. Thank you for your donation
Korrente > everyone should go mission in fric, i hear there aren’t any ninjas out there at all
combat beard > lol
Trenton Morrosin > I thought it was an idiot tax? Idiots deserved to be taxed anyhow.
combat beard > [ibis navy issue
Captain Phil > what defines an idiot?
combat beard > ibis navy issue
drucore > lol ur guys are iditos
Nin’ja Tamake > Drucore – that’s your definition.
drucore > im not going tot shoot u
drucore > try my friend

Nin’ja Tamake > Promise?
drucore > he has insta lock on his
combat beard > i like kestrels too much to shoot them
Korrente > a guy who thinks he makes more running around yelling “IMA NINJA” than doing missions i’d say
Teh Chael > Nin’ja Tamake, I think I have an issue with you
Nin’ja Tamake > Oh, no!
combat beard > i just want this mission to be over
Teh Chael > but a question first…do you ever do things that could be considered the behavior of a pirate?
combat beard > fucking angels
combat beard > ninja pirate lol
Nin’ja Tamake > Only a butt pirate.
combat beard > ibis navy issue
Korrente > That…isn’t what You’re supposed to say…
Nin’ja Tamake > Sorry…did I get that wrong? I’m new at this…
Korrente > Yeah, try again, it’s okay.
drucore > lol u dumbasses
Nin’ja Tamake > Ok….yes, I am a swashbuckling pirate. I pod miners in lowsec.
Teh Chael > Well, butt pirate or Captain Jack Sparrow, it’s still a pirate.
drucore > i wnt get killed
Skarraza > i don’t acknowledge your authority to charge a tax :p
Teh Chael > And pirates are the sworn enemies of ninjas, are they not?
combat beard > i think sparrow was a butt pirate
drucore > oh so funny
combat beard > all that mascara
Teh Chael > I cannot imagine the inner turmoil you must go through being an enemy of yourself.
drucore > u all lock me and i dnt heve to even leave yet
Velocity Prime > *popcorn munch
Teh Chael > What do you do at family reunions? You’re the black sheep of both sides!
Nin’ja Tamake > Yes, I hate myself. But I masturb*te, so I feel better.
Teh Chael > Which I guess is alright since ninjas wear black
Khalia Nestune > go ninja go ninja go
Korrente > there are white nijas
pashared > not the white ninja
Nin’ja Tamake > Well, afterwards I’m a bit more white, yes.
combat beard > ibis navy issue
Teh Chael > But I must ask for your preferred method of travel…do you board a large vessel with a hoisted black/skull flag, or are your ninja skills great enough that you can run accross the water?
Korrente > He uses a frigate
Korrente > it can speed tank
Nin’ja Tamake > Generally I warp in, steal shit, goad MR morons, and copy their tears into my bio.
Nin’ja Tamake > Oh, and make a shitload of ISK.
Skarraza > ok no more smacking the ninjas… they have mad skills… i no sooner make a comment and my power went OUT (and the blasted UPS laughed at me)! coincidence?!?!?

At some point during the preceding chat, ninja Lazy Eheh decides that it would be amusing to cause Drucore and Sel’Na Rey a little more difficulty. The “room” as it were has about four distinct groups of enemies, who won’t aggress on the missionbear until he has reached a certain proximity. Lazy Eheh, in the type of fast and agile frigate that Suddenly Ninjas trains its operatives to fly, can outrun and dodge the fire of many of the slow, dumb AI opponents, and uses this capability to aggro all the groups of NPCs that the missionbears have not yet reached, with the intention of pulling them within aggression proximity of the ‘bears and then warping out. Much lulz should ensue, and though the destruction or forced retreat of the carebear duo would end their destruction of NPCs and thus our salvaging for the night, it seemed like a good way to extract more of the bitter tears that fuel our ships.

Since it looks like we’re about to be done, I go ahead and grab a particularly valuable piece of equipment from a recently-destroyed Angel cruiser, giving Drucore and his pal kill rights on my ship. Since I fly a rigged and very well-appointed Firetail, I decided not to stick around and tempt fate. As he target locks my ship, I turn to warp out.

But then I see a missile leave his ship, just as I enter warp. I got away clean, but Drucore’s acting upon his kill rights have given me the right to shoot him, as well.

I have every intention of going to bed as soon as my ship is safely in the hangar, but once I’m docked, I get to thinking. There were a lot of NPCs beginning to shoot at him. Maybe he’s taking lots of new damage and just needs to be held in place to die horribly? I grab my cheap Incursus frigate and head back, fully expecting to die. I engage my warp scrambler and begin firing. He never even shoots at me, and I’m not making a dent in his armor, and I’m running out of ammo and capacitor charge. OK, that’s not going to work. I warp back and dock up.

Hmm. Shooting him renewed my 15-minute kill rights, and he’s awfully confident, isn’t he? Maybe I just need a bigger hammer to help him along. I don’t have very much in the way of combat capabilities, but I do have a mostly T1-fit Caracal, named “Sand Kicker”. I grab it and head out. Khalia is announcing every time an NPC goes down, and there’s not much time left, and the gate between the second and third room is like 60 klicks away from the entrance. I fully expect arrive, lock him, and die a terrible death. But what the heck, right?

As I get to jumping range of the gate that will hurl me into the room with the missionbears, I order everyone in the fleet to open a conversation with Drucore, hoping to distract him. I arrive on the field 30 klicks from him. My guns can hit him from that distance, but my warp scrambler only works to 20km, so I can’t hold him down. No good. There he sits in his Typhoon battleship, with another ship (I forget what. Maybe a battlecruiser?) about 50 klicks away. I align and hit my AB, knowing it will take 20 seconds to get in scram range and almost certain that I’ll be dead by then.

A battleship is quite a bit larger and more capable than a cruiser. Perhaps he is overconfident about the defenses and firepower of his superior ship. Maybe he is distracted by the 4+ conversation windows popping up on his screen. Maybe he’s counting on his similarly well-equipped friend to make short work of my little ship. In any case, Drucore doesn’t fire a shot, even at 25km when my first volley of faction heavy missiles knocks out 1/6 of his armor. Huh. I pass 20km and engage the scrambler. The other ship doesn’t seem to be headed my way. This might just work if Drucore is slow or poorly fit.

He never takes a single shot at me. It takes about two minutes to kill him. All of us are just going nuts on eve voice the whole time. All is quiet in local. At the end of the fight, I realize that his friend is 60km away, having RUN but for some reason staying on the field during the fight. When Drucore’s ship exploded, his Sel’Na Rey friend ran. From a Caracal. I must have looked like one badass little cruiser. Mighty Mouse comes to mind.

His ship was Tech 2 fitted and carrying expensive rigs. Ouch. My best guess is that replacement value for the ship approaches 200 million ISK.

Of course, everyone mocks him mercilessly in local chat:

Velocity Prime > wah wah waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Paul Clavet > So uh
Velocity Prime > Awwww ninjas blow up a mission runner?
Paul Clavet > how’d that go?
combat beard > wat
Khalia Nestune > i LOVE YOU GUYS.
Paul Clavet > I just killed your BS with a Caracal
Velocity Prime > hahaha
Lazy Eyeh > fail
Nin’ja Tamake > Bigtime Fail.
Mox Diamond > wat
Paul Clavet > So what’s this about balls again?
Mox Diamond > did someone shoot someone
combat beard > wut
Mox Diamond > and such
Paul Clavet > because you just got your ass kicked by a cruiser
Paul Clavet > and your friend ran
Paul Clavet > from a CARACAL
Velocity Prime > ninja stance*
combat beard > lol
Andreus Ixiris > Raygnute to skafos! Diafthayrete ton khalkon! Raygnute to skafos! Apalasete ta endon!
Mox Diamond > kill mailz
combat beard > wtf
combat beard > did he forget to turn on his repper
Velocity Prime > forgot to turn on his brain
Korrente > maybe he was afk
Khalia Nestune > no, we have convo log=)
combat beard > fappin
Paul Clavet > LOL
Korrente > are you sure it was a BS?
Velocity Prime > haha
Mox Diamond > killmailzzzz
Khalia Nestune > Typhoon =)
Korrente > ah, well that explains it
Korrente > you probably ran into him
Jarek Bane > Snakes Cardboard Box good name for ship that can cloak?
Paul Clavet > Victim: drucoreCorp: Starfinger INCAlliance: NONEFaction: NONEDestroyed: TyphoonSystem: DodixieSecurity: 0.9Damage Taken: 53597Involved parties:Name: Imperial Ultara / Amarr EmpireDamage Done: 31003
Mox Diamond > lol
Velocity Prime > Caracal beats a Typhoon. news at 10
Mara Saotome > sux d00d

What follows is a log submitted to me by Nin’ja Tamake, who was one of the pilots who attempted to distract Drucore as I warped in. Emphasis mine.

Nin’ja Tamake > I think I love you man
drucore > lol
Nin’ja Tamake > What’s so funny? You don’t like me?
Nin’ja Tamake > I’m so disappointed
drucore > dude stop it have paul stop it
Nin’ja Tamake > Naw, once he starts, he has to finish
Nin’ja Tamake > But he’ll give you a towel afterwards.
drucore > lol douch
Nin’ja Tamake > Perhaps afterwards
drucore > lol yeah what ever
Nin’ja Tamake > The words of a dying man.
drucore > ill complain to ccp about this
Nin’ja Tamake > Thanks for chatting.
Nin’ja Tamake > It gave Paul a chance to wipe your ass with a caracal.

Another. Keep in mind that Drucore invited some of his buddies in, including his incredibly mature and professional CEO, Starfinger. This one is actually from Zed, alt of someone named “Awesum Possum”, who is not one of my lackeys but still maintains the ninja lifestyle around Dodixie. Somebody get this man into our corp!

drucore > what
Zed Jackelope > u can hav ur tag bak, dint meen 2 tak it
drucore > ok well im about to get killed
drucore > why
drucore > why do u have too be pricks

Zed Jackelope > don’t shoot salvagers
drucore > i didnt shoot him
Zed Jackelope > obviously you did, or he wouldn’t have been able to shoot you
drucore > he didnt shoot me
drucore > this is my people
shadeow > have fun dying when i et ahold of u
Sel’Na Rey > seems you didn’t eliminate the witness to back up drucore’s story
Sel’Na Rey > i hope CCP bans your asses
shadeow > what nothing to sY NOOB
Starfinger > he is afraid to fight
Zed Jackelope > lol
Starfinger > pussyt
Starfinger > pussy
Starfinger > pussy
Starfinger > fucking pussy
Starfinger > i hate pussies
Zed Jackelope > so you’re gay?
Zed Jackelope > that’s cool
Starfinger > fly safe pussy
Zed Jackelope > gay people have great fashion sense
shadeow > yeah u want a big cock up your ass
Starfinger > make sure to stay out in empire
Starfinger > where you are safe
Starfinger > like a pussy
Sel’Na Rey > pussies are fashion for gang rapes
shadeow > i got the top
Sel’Na Rey > i’ll take the back
Zed Jackelope > guess what, i didn’t start, nor end shit. your moron buddy over there shot at a salvager, salvager came back and beat his ass
Starfinger > just a noobie pussy i say
Zed Jackelope > blame dru
shadeow > blame u fuck face
drucore > didnt shoot him
Zed Jackelope > you’re crying at the wrong guy, go cry at the ninja that actually shot him
Starfinger > you tiefin mission like pussy that can’t do his own
Zed Jackelope > Dru, how did he have shoot rights?
Zed Jackelope > Star, I have 10 standing with the agent here… come again?
Sel’Na Rey > yeah zed you were red on my list so by all means i had shooting rights for you
Starfinger > 000000000000000000
Sel’Na Rey > you nijaed the can moron
Zed Jackelope > uh yeah?
Starfinger > you have a 10 standing with one agent
Zed Jackelope > i took a general tag, want a cookie?
Starfinger > stay our of my corp mission or i will war dec your ass and kill you everyday everwhere i find you
Zed Jackelope > …. no? no cookie?
Sel’Na Rey > cookie shit i take all your stuff
shadeow > ill take your virginaty bitch
Sel’Na Rey > sounds like you’re sooooo screwed
shadeow > and your sisteras
Zed Jackelope > Star, let me get this straight.
shadeow > neg
Zed Jackelope > Your corpmate was a moron and shot at someone in SN. the ninja comes back and blows him up.
shadeow > neg
Zed Jackelope > and you’re whining at me about it?
Starfinger > get that straight
Starfinger > ninja elsewhere
Zed Jackelope > lol
Zed Jackelope > is Pandora your sister?
Starfinger > last time
Zed Jackelope > so, cupcakes, it was fun but i’m gonna go. if you’re going to whine at me, at least wait until i blow up dru first.
Zed Jackelope > tootles

Finally, here’s the log from drucore convo’ing me about five minutes after the incident:

Paul Clavet > o/
Paul Clavet > gf
drucore > may i talk with u
drucore > and no i wasnt fighting
Paul Clavet > Certainly!
drucore > it was a glitch
Paul Clavet > ORLY?
drucore > hold on
Paul Clavet > Brain acting up again, eh?
drucore > hold on 1 sec plz
shadeow > your dead
Paul Clavet > And Sel’Na, were you the one that ran from a cruiser?
drucore > u shoot one guy u pick of the whole army from our corp
Starfinger > ninja elsewhere
Sel’Na Rey > lol
Sel’Na Rey > paul you’re so fucked
Paul Clavet > Nah, I’m spent for now. If you give me like 20 minutes and a soda I’ll be gtg again
Sel’Na Rey > you just open pandoras box
Paul Clavet > Is Pandora your sister?
Paul Clavet > Is she attractive?
Sel’Na Rey > think of her as the bitch thats going to cap your ass if you come around again
Paul Clavet > ORLY?
Paul Clavet > You’d think you would have killed me back there
Paul Clavet > I mean, I was in a cruiser.
shadeow > want to try
Sel’Na Rey > care to come and show what the cruiser can do
drucore > yeah i could of
shadeow > without your little bitches around
Paul Clavet > Already tried and succeeded, killed a BS and his buddy ran.
Paul Clavet > My little bitches… you mean drucore and Sel’Na, right?
shadeow > your mom and your sister
Paul Clavet > Because nobody else fired a round
drucore > you didnt kill me
drucore > u let the mission do it like a lil homo
Paul Clavet > I didn’t? I got the killmail.
Paul Clavet > lol
Paul Clavet >
Paul Clavet > 22,500 damage
Paul Clavet > all but four of the NPCs were dead
drucore > so i dnt give a shit i complained to ccp as i never once shot u
Paul Clavet > Oh?
Paul Clavet > Seems to me you shot me while I was in my firetail
Paul Clavet > Did you know at that point that you would die to a cruiser?
drucore > and u know u could have gotten me to pay to let me keep my shhip but like a idiot u only got about what 10mill as aposed tot 50
Paul Clavet > Like I care about isk? I want your sweet, sweet carebear tears.
drucore > so whos the dumb ass now
Paul Clavet > I’m collecting them right now.
drucore > lol ur the stupids pirate i ever met
Sel’Na Rey > so if dru shot you were was concord
Sel’Na Rey > hummmm oh yeah thats right not there
Paul Clavet > I looted, he shot, I killed him, you ran.
Sel’Na Rey > so guess who CCP is going to see for the kill
Sel’Na Rey > hummm oh yeah thats you again
shadeow > by fuck face
Paul Clavet > You guys haven’t done much PVP, have you?
drucore > lol
shadeow > with your mom yes
drucore > u think ur a better person ur just a loser
Paul Clavet > Nope, just a ninja salvager
Paul Clavet > Like Ray Stevens says
Paul Clavet > I am what I am, play my piano, sing my little song.

At this point, Starfinger’s entire corporation of articulate, intelligent, stone-cold killers completely lose it.

shadeow > sdfsdfs
shadeow > dfsdf
shadeow > sdfsdfsdfsdfsdf
shadeow > sdadasasdasda
drucore > go furck ur mom
shadeow > sdasdasdas
Sel’Na Rey > ninja and lose are like the same
shadeow > dasdasdasdasd
shadeow > asdasdasdasd
shadeow > asdasdasdasd
shadeow > asdasdasd
shadeow > asdasdasdas
shadeow > fdfgfghtygjyhjuk
shadeow > yrtwerqwer
shadeow > qwrqwrqwe
shadeow > qwrwerwer
shadeow > werwerwerwer
shadeow > wererdfgghjhj
shadeow > 5676
shadeow > rhrthrther
shadeow > gt
shadeow > erg
Sel’Na Rey > alallaa
shadeow > sfdgdfhfgh
Sel’Na Rey > aladlsfja
shadeow > fghfghf
Paul Clavet > shadeow is having a seizure
Sel’Na Rey > ajdlfajds
shadeow > ghfghsfdhs
Sel’Na Rey > jfa;lsdfja
shadeow > dfhsfdghfgh
Sel’Na Rey > sdfjalsdjfasdfjad
shadeow > fhjyhjkhj
Sel’Na Rey > fasjlk
drucore > alkfdsjfjaijfdjfadjf
shadeow > khjktyu
Sel’Na Rey > asdjakldsjf
shadeow > rtsdfgdsfg
Sel’Na Rey > alsdjkf
shadeow > asdgasddsv
drucore > dlsfkjdifjaidjfijfjadekfjkdjfiejfief
shadeow > vbfngbn
Sel’Na Rey > asflkajsfadkljf
shadeow > g4565
Sel’Na Rey > aasdfasd
drucore > ldfkjlfjiaedjfijfdjfkdjifjaojfknfkdnf
shadeow > 1651651651
Paul Clavet > rolling his face around on the keyboard
shadeow > 635j16y541
Sel’Na Rey > fadfasdjlkajsdf
shadeow > 6yu5165y1’651yu6
Sel’Na Rey > alsfj1
Paul Clavet > lol
drucore > ldfjaoifkenfjklenfiuoerjfemnfkedfkdkljfaoiji
Sel’Na Rey > 14l1k2j431
shadeow > 5y651y651y65
shadeow > 1y651y65
Sel’Na Rey > ajlsdjf
shadeow > 1y651y65y6516y51
drucore > 2838844y438w098329438
shadeow > 1y61y651
Sel’Na Rey > 1lk1j41
Sel’Na Rey > aldkjfa
shadeow > 6y156y51
shadeow > 6y516y516y516y51
Sel’Na Rey > 150981
drucore > lfjeifoejfefnuhfnoeuihgiejfdskaoij;fiojfelkkfnehfhwej
shadeow > y6516y51
Sel’Na Rey > 151
shadeow > 6y51y6516y1
Sel’Na Rey > 1121
Sel’Na Rey > 12
shadeow > 6y516y516y516y51
Sel’Na Rey > 4122
shadeow > rsdf
Sel’Na Rey > 45
shadeow > gdfgdfg
drucore > ;aiwejrrenfdknflelfdebfoipdja’slddkfa’d’0fodifah
shadeow > adsfgadfgfd
Sel’Na Rey > 5555555
shadeow > gdfger
Sel’Na Rey > 1lkajsdf;lajkdsf
shadeow > rtjtyjyj
Sel’Na Rey > asld;afja
shadeow > dsfgdfsgd
Sel’Na Rey > sflakjsf
shadeow > ffag
drucore > fuck u
Sel’Na Rey > aaldjfa
Sel’Na Rey > sdflaksjdfa
shadeow > fag
Sel’Na Rey > dlakjf
Sel’Na Rey > asdfas
shadeow > fag
Sel’Na Rey > dfajkdfja
shadeow > fag
shadeow > fag
shadeow > afag
Sel’Na Rey > dfjasasdfasdaf
shadeow > fag
shadeow > fag
Sel’Na Rey > pussy
shadeow > afag
Sel’Na Rey > pussy
drucore > ur mom eats shit for breakfast
shadeow > fag
Sel’Na Rey > pussy
shadeow > afag
Paul Clavet > The tears! I’m covered in them!
shadeow > afag
shadeow > azssdfsdsdsd
shadeow > sfs
shadeow > dsfdfdfg
shadeow > dgdfdfgd
drucore > lol yeah from ur mom as i fuck her
Paul Clavet > hahah
Paul Clavet > I’m logging all this
Paul Clavet > it’s hilarious
Paul Clavet > thank you so much!!

Quite possibly the best tears I’ve ever gotten.

Thanks to my fellow ninjas for trusting me as their FC and for the awesome night in Dodixie. We’ll be doing it again real soon!