My Loot, Your Tears

Kampfpanzer > fag
Paul Clavet > Yeah, what of it?
Kampfpanzer > asshole

Wartargets missioning in Dodixie of all places. This happens, then this, then this:

[06:27:31] Alcina Eva > Paul Clavet Khalia Nestune Zarago Vemiska Your ass long face told you the same! FC!
[06:28:55] Alcina Eva > Paul Clavet You like that in Germany a long octopus, Paul, you are brothers Why?
[06:30:23] Alcina Eva > Paul Clavet Do you think you can do with the duck brothers? Very good!

Jerks dropped the war against Ludi Sacerdotales yesterday. We’d got our laughs out of them and were doing more interesting things like taking down POS towers.

Apparently former LUDI CEO jaksparra (he dropped to an NPC corp) thought this meant they “won”:

From: jaksparra
Sent: 2010.08.14 15:04

jaksparra has added you as contact with Terrible Standing

Piece of shit that cant afford to continue a war against us. Guess we win.

Sent: 2010.08.14 21:18
To: jaksparra,

We got 3/4 of your members to leave, you’re disbanding the corp, and we’ve had a spy inside the entire time. Not reading our blog, eh?

We don’t need to waste one of our three wardec slots on you anymore.

From: jaksparra
Sent: 2010.08.15 02:01

You should really check your spy again… LOL you FAIL

Sent: 2010.08.15 02:04
To: jaksparra,

LUDI corp members, two weeks ago: 40
LUDI corp members, today: 14

Who failed?

Sent: 2010.08.15 02:05
To: Johanes Miller,

you did.

Logic? Who needs that! But jak is on a LogicFail roll and so decides to (badly) bluff me, and provide some tears at the same time.

From: jaksparra
Sent: 2010.08.15 02:13

wow, your like a little kid. You have to have attention always. Did you ever stop to think we merged with another corp in o.o?

Sent: 2010.08.15 02:24
To: jaksparra,

Nice try, but no. The members all went to different places:

LCD DOG – his own self-made corp
Aaron Sarusake – some other corp, then NPC corp
Deceius – Test Alliance
tej kai – npc corp
Spacemonster72 – NPC corp
Phantomesk, DreamTrooperX (and his two other alts) – Pwn N’ Play
MentalMetal, Dominic Fergas – Frimosa
Maeyanie – Deathwyrm
your own alt Aglibol and yourself – Ludi and npc corp….

Awesome job getting everyone in the same 0.0 corp with you! Oh wait…
This will make a hilarious blog post, thanks.

From: jaksparra
Sent: 2010.08.15 02:28

OMG are you still trying to prove yourself. What a little kid you are.

Remember folks, if you send a “piece of shit” and “we win”, the other party is a little kid. Obviously!

Paul and I were just discussing our different styles of posting stories on My Loot, Your Tears. In particular we are both highly amused that we often get people giving us grief in the comments section, because they don’t like the content of our stories.

Each of us (myself, Paul, and Captain) write in different styles and often about different things. We rotate around doing different things – Paul has been perfecting his art of gank videos lately, while Captain and I have been working on corporate infiltrations. Our other two members don’t blog here, but they also both act very independently – Zarago likes to spend a lot of time hunting down and shooting our war targets, and lexera is on the European timezone.

All of us are playing Eve for the same reason, which I can summarize in a pithy internet meme: The LOLs. Be it shooting up mission runners who ‘just want to play the game!’, stealing a bunch of tasty ships from a careless corporation, blowing up auto-piloting freighters, or laughing our asses off at horrible ship fits, we do this for the enjoyment of it – usually shared with each other.

We blog all of this because we think you’ll enjoy it too. From the replies we get both in and out of game, we know a whole bunch of you do – we’ve grown to over 400 unique readers a day (not counting anyone on an iPhone or using an RSS reader). We’re pretty happy with that.

In the end this is why we find it equally as funny that some people leave us comments bitching about what we write. Why are you still reading? We don’t care if you don’t like it. We do this for us. But please feel free to keep bitching if it makes you feel good! We will continue to point and laugh =)

Paul also linked me to this great article on haters. My favorite bullet point was #4: “If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative.”

Scene: I’ve warped into Tokhein’s World’s Collide and salvaged a few wrecks out from under his CNR in the first room. Moonshots is there in a Hurricane. They both warp off.

Tokhein > bye bye paul, not stealing my shit
Paul Clavet > I’m going to return and steal your mission objective, Tokhein. You’d better hurry and get to it before I do.
Moonshots > good luck
Moonshots > with that
Cyberin > uh oh, alt?
Moonshots > paul
Paul Clavet > Wanna make it more interesting Moonshots? Maybe a small ISK bet?
Tokhein > fuck off u damn thief
Paul Clavet > lol
Tokhein > how bout u give me isk, and then u can have my loot
Paul Clavet > Your rage is kinda funny
Tokhein > that sounds good
Paul Clavet > How about I take your loot and laugh at you?
Cyberin > i like option b
Tokhein > not going to happen
Paul Clavet > uhm, already happened
Tokhein > not really
Exodusbandar > sigh, why can’t we all just gank…er…get along?
Tokhein > i never get along with thieves
Cyberin > because the bears don’t have the balls to shoot…
Tokhein > they are retardly gay
Paul Clavet > I get along great with carebears… the loot from their missions keeps me in the kind of lifestyle I’ve come to expect

I’ve retrieved JerkTengu and started rushing through the Serpentis room to blitz the mission. Most folks don’t know that the gates to the Research Outpost in this mission are completely unlocked. You may have to kill a couple of webbing frigs, but if you’ve got a serious tank you can waltz right into the last room. When you get to the last room, target the six ships immediately around the Damaged Heron. When you kill them, the Ship’s Crew will be unlocked. I can rush a WC to completion and steal the objective in under five minutes.

Tokhein loses sight of all prudence and begins hurling racist and homophobic slurs. I’ll never understand why some folks do this in Eve, where there’s NO WAY TO TELL what race a player really is. It’s why I love the internet in general… If I’m going to love you or hate you, I can love you or hate you for your mind.

Tokhein’s mind fails him.

Tokhein > do i sound like a carebear to you faggot?
Cyberin > yes, you do
Tokhein > lol i hate too lmuch to be a carebear
Tokhein > eve is too full of niggers stealing shit for me to care
Cyberin > doing a mission, crying in local about ninjas, no balls, sounds pretty carebearish to me…
Cyberin > nice, racial slurs :D
Exodusbandar > watch the language or you’ll get banned
Cyberin > that’ll help your situation…
Tokhein > lol
Tokhein > then don’t steal
Paul Clavet > Petitioned for racist language Tokhein, enjoy your temporary ban
Cyberin > you too? :D lol
Paul Clavet > Now I will take your Ship’s Crew
Exodusbandar > ah metagaming at its finest
Tokhein > nigs are theives that simple
Paul Clavet > heh
Paul Clavet > as a person who is not white, I take a mite bit of offense to that
Paul Clavet > but no matter, CCP will take care of it
Tokhein > im not scared of ccp
Paul Clavet > Can I have your stuff then?
Paul Clavet > when you get banned
Tokhein > fuck off
Tokhein > thats what u can do
Ap0ll00 > lol
Paul Clavet > Nope, I’m gonna rush through here and take your mission objective now
Paul Clavet > because you’re a racist bastard
Tokhein > yes i am
Tokhein > and u have to deal with it
Ap0ll00 > lol
Paul Clavet > I am dealing with it… you will fail this mission
Cyberin > you need help in that mission there paul? lol ”
Cyberin > that’s a lot of tears to haul yourself…
Tokhein > no, i wont
Exodusbandar > how do you play this game with that white pointy hood over your head??
Tokhein > it has eye holes
Tokhein > how do theives play while i burn crosses in their yards
Cyberin > because we are inside at the computer, not really looking at the yard

I got his ship’s crew. He was too much of a coward to try to stop me.

I’ve been away from the Jerk lifestyle for a while, trying some of the other things in EVE. One of the Ninja Alliance members, Meccros, had been making ISK from loan scams – which I had not tried – and I got the chance to try it out today. Hillarity resulted.

I was using one of my alts in Jita for some market manipulation when I saw someone in local requesting a loan:

Rothrizar > can someone lend me ISK for a ship?

I quickly convo’d him to see if I could pull one over on him.

Secret Alt > hi there
Secret Alt > you were looking for a loan?
Rothrizar > hello
Rothrizar > yes, im looking to get enough ISK to purchase the Raven and fit it
Secret Alt > And how are you paying back?
Rothrizar > I guess its not really a loan then lol
Secret Alt > I can loan you isk, if you’re willing to pay it back with a small amount extra, if you tell me how you’re making money
Secret Alt > are you missioning?
Rothrizar > thats what i was doing
Secret Alt > Hm, I see
Rothrizar > i was piloting a drakerunning lvl 3s
Secret Alt > do you have anything to offer as colateral?
Secret Alt > ah, ok
Secret Alt > you could offer the drake as collateral
Rothrizar > the only problem with that is, it doesnt exist anymore
Secret Alt > Hm.
Rothrizar > I have a primae over in eitu
Rothrizar > bout all i have left hehe
Secret Alt > Oh, that would work
Secret Alt > How much ISK are you looking for?
Rothrizar > 40 mil max
Secret Alt > Ok, I can do that.
Secret Alt > I’ll need to fly over to Eitu to set up the contract there
Secret Alt > standard loan contract
Secret Alt > Just don’t screw me over, ok? ;)
Rothrizar > I wont screw you over

With trust established, I head over to Eitu to take his Primae. Click below to read on =)

This is LONG, but totally worth the read.

(more…)

I warp into a Worlds Collide mission. Mission runner warps out. I come back a while later and he’s still not there, but the third room isn’t finished and the crew has not been liberated.

So I liberate the Ship’s Crew and send him a bill for services rendered:

A day later my contract icon flashes, and I find this:

Love it.

From the comments of my gank of AmonWarr, with my responses:

A’lright there fuck nut, if you want to go this road, then let it be what is will be…

1. I was honest when I told you I did not have the corp mate or money for the ransome.

That’s terrible.

2. My bad for flying that boat semi solo, without the isk to back it up if ganked. I’ll take that as my fail.

The bigger fail would have been having the money on hand. Then you would be out the ship AND the money.

3. But tell me this, if you were/are such the badass as to bring such a bravdo and ransom demand did you have to bring all the backup that you did? I’ve seen the killmail. It was pathetic. You talk and fly with the virtual balls that I guess you lack in life.

Always cheat. Always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. None of the Jerks have ever claimed to be badasses, only to have killed lots of carebears in hilarious ways.

4. It’s only a game at any rate, yeah lossing that ship sucked, but it is not the be all end all for me. I have other things in life to enjoy aside from spending all my time in Eve and on a shit tastic blog.

And yet here you are, typing a rather lengthy rant into a “shit tastic” blog. I hope you enjoy raging about the blog half as much as I enjoy writing it.

Fly save man. Learn what a fair fight really is. And if all else fails remeber it’s a hell of alot easier to make a friend than an enemy.

I know what fair fights are, and I keep them as far the hell away from me and my lackeys as I can. Also, I have to disagree on your last point… It’s a lot easier and a lot more fun to make enemies in Eve. Especially when the enemies are so lulzy.

I got a convo right after he left the comment:

Paul Clavet > o/
DrakkenWar > have you checked your blog?
Paul Clavet > What about it?
DrakkenWar > not all that much, only a reply to your worthless rantings towards one of my toons. Fly safe man..

He closes convo. I know that there are more tears to be had, so I convo him:

DrakkenWar > yes?
Paul Clavet > For worthless rantings, you sure seem bent on making sure I see your responses to them. Are you absolutely sure that you aren’t developing new feelings for me?
DrakkenWar > lol, now that is rich, something well thought out from one that has been here longer that me. If you could solo as well as your right in something fair? Now that might be for interest. Other than that, piss off.
Paul Clavet > Why on earth would I have any interest in fairness?
Paul Clavet > Seems to me like you think you need to prove something
Paul Clavet > In what area are you inadequate?
DrakkenWar > none at all, I only flind your tactics rather intersting, but in that interest make the bile rise. But aside from that I’m intrigued is all
Paul Clavet > Intrigued? I thought you wanted me to piss off.
Paul Clavet > I get it… you have an e-crush.
Paul Clavet > It’s OK, man, but the other carebears might not understand.
Paul Clavet > You must bury your feelings deep inside, in the secret garden of your heart.
Paul Clavet > If fate is with us, someday love may blossom there.
DrakkenWar > wow that was the wrong read there
Paul Clavet > I’m sure that’s what your parents have been telling you, but you can’t let them judge you!
DrakkenWar > lol such a pathetic life you lead. I should feel sorry for you but I really do not
DrakkenWar > you caught me on the the drop good on ya
Paul Clavet > Exactly. Because you care, and I appreciate that.
Paul Clavet > Yours is a tough love, like the guys at the gym have for each other.
Paul Clavet > Or perhaps the Navy
DrakkenWar > don’t really care either way, you could die alone in a fire as you virgin self and no one would morn ya,
Paul Clavet > You would.
DrakkenWar > lol this is childish, do what you need to do to validate yourself, I’m done with this

Om nom nom.

Frelling Fekkik > hey Paul
Frelling Fekkik > hey, hey Paul
Paul Clavet > Yes?
Frelling Fekkik > eat a dick

I’m scanning along in a new time slot for me, and it’s like Dodixie is reborn and repopulated with idiots. I scan down a mission with two Navy Megas, piloted by usmcjeramy and AmonWarr. usmcjeramy locks and fires when I loot, but when I return with JerkTengu nobody is there but a salvaging alt.

usmcjeramy is apparently feeling a bit conciliatory.

usmcjeramy > hey just chcking to see if we are cool?
Paul Clavet > I was hoping to see what your navy mega could do
Paul Clavet > haven’t fought one
Paul Clavet > wanna duel to structure?
usmcjeramy > you are in a tech 3 i cant do shit to ya
Paul Clavet > I could swap for something else
usmcjeramy > naw man im a missioner only
Paul Clavet > tell ya what
Paul Clavet > I just want to see the tank on that thing
Paul Clavet > I heard they’re ungodly
Paul Clavet > I’ll switch to some other ship that won’t hurt you
Paul Clavet > like a cruiser?
usmcjeramy > naw man its all good im just running mission tonight thanks anyway
Paul Clavet > aw
Paul Clavet > do you like the navy mega?
usmcjeramy > sorry
usmcjeramy > but are we good?
usmcjeramy > as in nothing to worry about with eachother?
Paul Clavet > Of course we’re good, I just wanted to see the capabilities of that ship because I want to get one
Paul Clavet > are you able to track small ships OK in it?
usmcjeramy > lol they are ok but you are old enough in the game you should be able to get one anyhow
Paul Clavet > Yeah, I can get one, but I’ve always flown caldari
Paul Clavet > have you tried shooting at a shuttle?
usmcjeramy > dont need to i dont do pvp
Paul Clavet > I have to kill lots of shuttles in merc contracts
Paul Clavet > people running away :)
Paul Clavet > so I need something that can hit them reliably
usmcjeramy > ok well nice talking to ya but i have to go, headed to masalle for sopme missions
Paul Clavet > wait up
Paul Clavet > will you try to see if you can kill my shuttle?
Paul Clavet > it has no guns :)
usmcjeramy > heading down to masalle for missions
usmcjeramy > no thanks have a nice night fly safe
Paul Clavet > ok man you too

He had to have known the deal, and he doesn’t leave local, so I imagine that he’s either taking a break or running another mission in Dodixie. I keep scanning.

Soon, I run across another hit: Two Navy Megas and a Fleet Typhoon. Turns out it’s the same guys plus another pilot in the Typhoon. This time AmonWarr locks and fires. I run off, but expecting this to be a trap set to bag my Tengu, I grab JerkRaven instead and enlist Khalia for RR should all three faction battleships stand and fight.

When I return, usmcjeramy has bugged out, leaving only the Typhoon pilot and AmonWarr, who I have aggro on. As the Typhoon bugs out, I lock and point AmonWarr. Wow. His corpmate got to watch the exact same trap spring and live to tell about it, and five minutes later in another mission he lets his corpmate step right into it?

AmonWarr > what?
Paul Clavet > 300M or your ship dies
AmonWarr > stop firing
AmonWarr > and lets talk
Paul Clavet > done
Paul Clavet > you have 30 seconds
AmonWarr > stop fireing now
Paul Clavet > I’m not firing
Paul Clavet > just neuting so you can’t rep
AmonWarr > NOW
Paul Clavet > 20 seconds
Paul Clavet > you are about to die
Paul Clavet > pay now
AmonWarr > moon 20 meet
AmonWarr > I can’t now
AmonWarr > give me moon 20
Paul Clavet > then you die unless you can get it from your friends
Paul Clavet > I will give you 60 seconds to get it from your corp
Paul Clavet > 30 seconds
AmonWarr > don’t have that option mate
Paul Clavet > then you die
(He dies)
Paul Clavet > wtf were you thinking
AmonWarr > I didn’t have the money man, wtf was I suppose to do?
Paul Clavet > get it from your corp mates?
Paul Clavet > I mean, what kinda friends are those?
AmonWarr > go without a fight, you could’g bige me to 20 to get some isk?
Paul Clavet > Yeah, that totally would have worked
AmonWarr > Not all that good, but wtf either way, you got your kill can I alteast come out and get my shit?
Paul Clavet > yeah come on
Paul Clavet > I don’t want this crap
Paul Clavet > I’ll see you around m8

No great loot, but hey, a faction BS kill is always nice.

AmonWarr’s alt convos me a few minutes later. Hilarity is bolded.

DrakkenWar > I will say first good kill and tackle on my mega.
DrakkenWar > second I would say why, when my corp mate was flying a faction fit worth 4x my fit
Paul Clavet > You were the one I had aggro on.
DrakkenWar > fair enough.
DrakkenWar > with that toon, I was honest.. I did not have the isk, otherwise I would have given it for the boat, but tell me. why do you feel you had to be so flip?
DrakkenWar > If you had let that boat dock I would have given you what you asked for, the boat was worth more than that
DrakkenWar > A qujick ore flip and I would have given a gf and payed a well earned ransom. So tell me why you felt the need to do what you did.
Paul Clavet > Because you would not have paid.
DrakkenWar > lol I would have paid to save that boat, but with no liquid assests on hand the only way to pay was with ore melt. I did not want to loose that boat. But such as it is.. It is a game afterall.
DrakkenWar > so either way good drop and good kill even with what I lost.
Paul Clavet > Indeed. Perhaps you should work on improving at it?
DrakkenWar > welll when you fly solo in a corp of cock suckers that are never online you do what you must to survive
Paul Clavet > I’m afraid so.
DrakkenWar > at any rate, a lesson learned. Fly safe, and the next time I see ya, I hope it’s not such an easy drop. Fly safe.. I’ve book’d ya the same as you have me.

Solo? Did he not see my faithful corpmate there with me?